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Be Present for You
I recently asked a peer group, ”What is the most important aspect of the life you are living right now?”
The answers I received were as diverse as the people I was sitting with. They varied from children to parents, pets to material possessions, a big promotion to employers, employees, and friends. Not one person in the room answered, “ME”!
Is it selfish to believe that, above all, you should be conscious to YOUR needs above all others and believe that YOU are the most important aspect of the life you are living?
We are often encouraged, whether by literature or media or friendly advice, to be there for those we love and the people and things we value. Sure, it’s important that your family and friends are important aspects of your life but I would argue that if being present for them is at the expense of your own health and well-being, that you are doing yourself and your friends and family a disservice.
You will be better prepared and able to be available for those aspects of your life you consider important - kids, parents, family, friends, employment, business, or a significant other - if you first acknowledge and aspire towards achieving YOUR happiness and are firmly on the path to achieving YOUR dreams, YOUR SUCCESS – no matter how success is defined for you. If you are able to present your authentic self in all that you do, something that can only be done if you are consciuous to YOUR needs, mentally and physically, your loved ones and, in fact, YOU will benefit greatly.
Here are some great tips for being present for yourself…
- Give a toast to you… Make a list of all the things you love about yourself… don’t just think of a few things and then move on to the next point, do it! If you need help, ask a few friends to tell you of the qualities they love about you.
- Avoid the negative hits to self worth… Avoid sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. If you sit around thinking about all the things that make you feel bad or talking about it to anyone who will listen, it will make you feel worse. Sure, you can acknowledge that there are things that make you feel bad but then focus on what you are grateful for in life.
- Eat better and stay active… Living healthier today than you did yesterday, and making that a goal for every morning when you wake up, is something that will improve you both physically and mentally.
- What do you love to do? Make a list of the things you love to do and then do them! Does that seem simple? It is.
- Identify the learning opportunities… Every challenge in life is an opportunity to learn and better yourself. This self betterment is what, when faced with challenges today, you should look forward to identifying and embracing.
- Be happy… Your happiness is a choice… YOUR CHOICE! Choose happiness when you wake up in the morning. Approach each day as the gift that it is… with the enthusiasm and anticipation of a child on Christmas morning waiting to open that present from Santa.
- Listen to your body… One’s body sends many messages throughout the day. When it’s time to eat, you’re hungry. When it’s time to rest, you’re tired. When it’s time to relax, put the damn cellular phone down and relax. Be present for YOU! You will find that handling the day’s anxieties and stresses becomes that much easier when you listen to the messages your body is sending you.
So, consider yourself the most important aspect of your life… it is not selfish.
I welcome your input on this… Comment now, and, as always, opposing viewpoints are always welcome at Keeping it Real.
Regards,
Darren Sproat
Darren, I agree with what you are saying here, and you have said it eloquently. Knowing you, I wouldn’t have expected anything less. Still, it touched me to know that you put this together and that your thoughts move in this direction. Very moving, very true, and beautifully said.
Carri,
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment. Your kind words and support are fuel for me so don’t hesitate to return and leave a comment when you feel compelled to do so.
Thanks again,
Darren
Darren, you continue to provide wonderful posts. The statement “Listen to your body” rings clear with me. I often find my body trying to tell me something, usually for a while before I recognize it, and when I ‘listen’ I am usually in a position to take action to heal.
xox
Cas
Hi Cas,
You continue to support my writings with your kind comments. I like the ‘listen to your body’ tip as well… all too often our bodies are trying to tell us something. Taking regular ‘me time’ breaks will allow you the time or surroundings to listen to your body. Relaxation, meditation, a warm bath, and many more techniques can help.
Take care Cassie,
Darren
Darren,
Thanks for this. I have recently learned the value of putting self first, and that is NOT selfish. It is the best thing you can do for others. After years of messages about how wrong it is to be selfish, it is so refreshing to love me first, and then see how much better my relationships are.
Let’s spread the word! This is important!
Great day to you, kind sir!
Dani (aka @PassionJourney)
Dani´s last blog ..Re-Energizing the Running Passion
Dani,
I know all too well the damage done to self if you put your own desires and needs on the backburner. I agree, let’s spread the word
Thanks for stopping by and taking a moment to leave a comment.
Darren
Very true. You are your most valuable asset; more valuable than your home, career and your portfolio. If you fail to build and expand your personal capacity for doing and being including your personal qualities and your relationship to those around you, you will have compromised those important material structures in your life which anchor your purpose and meaning for living now. You will lose all in a flash!
Know without a doubt, you are your most valuable asset. The best way to build and expand is to listen to your own heart, or to that voice that nudges you to do this or that. It’s not moving against resistance/barriers/breaking boxes, etc… The urgings of this voice are more like a pull. It draws you to something that suddenly appeals to you or becomes effortless for you to do. The shift it creates is usually exceptional. Listen to this voice. This is also a way to know WHAT to work on.
Add to your life and life will be added to you by the same measure. Don’t panic when life does not go your way. Believe all things work for your greatest good, even when they don’t appear to, and they will.
If you believe in God, then, you know about faith and this is what you need to get through those moments when what you see does not match what you know to be true.
Stick with what you know to be true, either because your inner voice tells you so, or because you have taken the time to develop a relationship with God and you know about his plans for your life.
Always, God’s plan is to give you a bright future and great hope! Know this and be steady in tough times, “keep your eyes on the prize”.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Be gentle. BE kind. Give love every chance you get, and forgive always, for you also have been forgiven!
Surrender all for true love when and if it shows up at your door. Love is the quickest way to union with the source of all that there is.
Never regret anything in the past, because if you don’t make it so, it is irrelevant now! Stay in the present, express the joy within — everyone has it.
Love life no matter how distasteful a particular moment may seem. Remember it’s all a matter of interpretation and if you did not call it in, you would not be having this bitter company. Welcome it and it, and will be on its way!
Peace and blessings to ALL!
Kirsten,
I think, in your comment, you summarized nearly every post I have made on this blog.
Being a natural ‘fixer’ I often let the weight of the world rest on my shoulders and, being passionate about the outcomes I am looking for, when they don’t happen the way I wanted I would take even more on my shoulders to ‘fix’ things.
Living in the now, focusing on, visualizing, and EXPECTING the best possible outcomes in all I think, do, and experience has been a calling card for me for a while now.
Everything you said is dead on!
I have learned, after some pretty hard experiences, that living for me first is the way to live because it places me in a better position to be present for those I want to be present for.
Thank you so much for taking the time you did to express your thoughts on this subject.
Darren
Hi Darren,
Great reminders for all of us! It’s so easy to get caught up in thinking that helping others, and say “yes” is the “right” thing to do (and it may certainly be). It’s important to remember, though, that if this comes at the expense of our own well-being, how truly helpful are we being? It’s a lesson that I’m finally starting to get.
Lance´s last blog ..Sunday Thought For The Day
Lance,
My natural ’state’ in life was helping others… or, probably more correctly stated, being the ‘fixer’. I often did it at the expense of my own needs. Well I am still very much involved in helping others, be it with career, life, or other aspects of their lives, I do so with a renewed zest for my own well-being… this has made an obvious difference in all my relationships (daughter, employees, friends, family, clients, etc.)
Thanks again for your support and thanks for taking the time to comment.
Darren
Hey Darren! Really awesome stuff you have here. I was thinking about this yesterday when I writing. It is not selfish to better your own life. You must live for yourself before you can live for another. Celebrate your own life so that you can spread your happiness across the world.
As Lance has said, these are great reminders. They remind us that life is definitely worth living.
John ´s last blog ..Do You Recognize the Problem With Instant Gratification?
John,
I am happy that you chose to stop by and leave a comment. Your statement, “You must live for yourself before you can live for another” sums it all up and is the exact reaction I was looking for from readers.
Regards,
Darren
Darren,
I hear you about taking care of ME first. I consider myself more selfish than selfless. Yet your first point made me laugh. I used to wait till I had company before opening a wine or beer to enjoy. Eventually I learnt to have a drink even when I was by myself, to celebrate a good day or reward myself for doing some housework. I had to learn to toast myself, and highly recommend your suggestion to others!
Daphne @ Joyful Days´s last blog ..“Meditation is easy…”
Oh Daphne,
I love sitting down at the end of the day and just enjoying myself for a little while. Be it time for reflection or planning the next wonderful day, it has been great for my own self growth to spend this ‘me time’ at the conclusion of every day!
You just exposed one of my new favorite things to do. Whether a glass of wine, a beer, or just a glass of orange juice
Thanks for stopping by,
Darren
Most of us believe that it is considered selfish when we focus on ourselves. Far from it, nurturing ourselves is an act of self love. We can never give others more if we don’t already have it in ourselves. External relationships are seldom deeply satisfying until we build a relationship with self. Love your article! Thanks for the reminder in being present for ourselves.
Evelyn Lim´s last blog ..Creation, Intention, Consciousness
Evelyn,
Thanks for commenting and sharing your thoughts about loving one’s self. I completely agree with your statement, “external relationships are seldom deeply satisfying until we build a relationship with self”. I have come to realize this in life about relationships… and it’s not just relationships with a significant other but with family, friends, employers, employees, etc.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Darren
listen to your body – absolutely. Our bodies speak volumes – when we need a break, when we’re hungry, when we need to get energized, and we are so quick to dismiss! In recent years I have learned to give in to a 15 min nap. And it truly makes all the difference than if I just pushed through…Yoga has been incredibly helpful to me over the years in learning to listen to my body.
Thanks for the insight, Stacey. I too have learned to listen to my body… for me, it’s ‘me time’ at the end of the day to reflect, meditate, or simply relax…
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. Appreciated.
Darren
I really like the look of your blog, Darren! So glad to be here today.
I know when I’m taking good care of myself, taking care of other people and things in my life is a breeze. When I fall off the “me” wagon, though, I can’t get out of my own way, let alone be a loving light to anyone else in this world.
The biggest things I’ve learned about keeping myself running at my prime include: exercise and meditation. For some reason, I’m wired in such a way that I require high intensity exercise in order to fly through my days. So I run six days a week. It takes a lot of time, but nothing can substitute the mood it puts me in, or the person it allows me to be for the rest of the day. Meditation, on the other hand, keeps me grounded. It lets me stay open to myself, my experiences, and everyone around me. It also keeps my mind calm, which I’ve found is better than letting the monkeys take over! Again, it takes time, but the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.
With that in mind, I’m off to meditate, and then go for a run. Enjoy your day!
Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..Giving Freely
Hi Megan,
I hope you had a good meditation and run. You eluded to ‘being grounded’ which leads me to comment on finding balance. There’s no doubt that I can get wound up in ‘things’ going on all around me it’s important to seek balance and grounding. I have learned that seeking this balance refocuses my attention back on me and my needs and, like you said, makes it a breeze to be present for the people and things in my life.
Darren
Hi Darren!
Great points here today! Isn’t it funny how the best advice is simple (such as your note to make a list of things you love to do, and do them). I agree, we have to love and nuture ourselves so we can love and nurture others in our lives. I would add that on those days when we’re struggling a bit to “love oneself” it’s helpful to reach out and do something nice for someone else. It fills us with happiness to make someone else happy and to be a witness to their joy. This is a reciprocal process and sometimes we have to do good to feel good, when feeling good isn’t feeling natural. Great site, glad to be here! Jodi
Jodi at Joy Discovered´s last blog ..Affirmations are Building Blocks to a Joyful Life
Jodi,
I am honored that you chose to stop by and take the time to leave a comment. Your statement “on those days when we’re struggling a bit to “love oneself” it’s helpful to reach out and do something nice for someone else” is dead on. In fact, you touched on one of my future blog posts.
I am one who, in helping others, can forget about myself and thus, the justification for this post. But, one must remember that helping ourselves can often mean reaching out to others as well.
Thank you so much,
Darren
Couldn’t have said it better! Nobody loves you like YOU. That’s a first and must in this life… because if you do not love yourself nobody else can or will.
Beverly´s last blog ..A Pictorial Essay of my changes…..
Hi Beverly,
YES! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and leave a comment. It’s so critical to love yourself before you can have healthy results giving it to and receiving it from others.
Thanks again,
Darren